My most revealing post yet!

I thought it was time for a blog, so much on my mind and with no where to release it, my fingertips turn to the one place where it feels most at home, on my notebook. The past few weeks have been a rollercoaster. I feel like I am being tested and thrown challenges from every direction. People I trusted and admired have thrown dirt in my face and for the first time in a very long time, I feel isolated and a tiny bit alone.

Having supported this person for a very long time, I always felt that even if we were put to the test or stepped over that invisible line that we would survive it. I was in their corner, shouting off the roof tops about how amazing they were, how talented they were and I believed deep down that they wouldn't use networking sites to indirectly attack me if things did go sour for a while.

However, today I awoke to indirects of all kinds. In one breath telling me all was okay but in the other making me feel small. Yet another friend joins the list of industry people who have for some reason or another taken the ultimate piss out of my good name. One in particular, a musician. How he took the ultimate piss by unfollowing me on twitter every other day. It was funny because I only wanted to get him to feature in my magazine but he had the nerve to smile in my face but then air me on Twitter. How it buns me to think that I believed this person was humble, was nice, but yet again, I have learned the hard way. It is good that this person now ignores me at all events because to be honest, I have no time for frauds like him.

Am I too trusting, one actor I used to talk to on a regular basis said I was. I now feel more guarded than ever. Holding a shield close to my chest, I wonder if anyone will get through it now. Sometimes your strength can be tested, you believe you are strong but with the constant attacks, you can begin to doubt yourself. I have been feeling very unsettled lately and I am struggling to come to terms with so  many things.

You can find yourself smiling through most of if, but other days it hovers like a dark cloud. Where to go from here?

Then there are the females I have supported from time who jump on their bandwagon, never giving a damn before but who see you supporting them and then act as if they always supported when really it was..who are you again, just a few months back.

Then everyone and their dog are writers, editors. I have began to think that it is a joke. That I just one day woke up and I was a writer because it seems that that is the impression of others. I am so tired of the mocking of a serious craft.

Things are seriously going to change, I am seriously going to change because to be honest being nice, as genuine as it has always been has not done me any good.

You live to learn.