Stephen Lawrence and the effect to my unborn child.. Read on..

The Stephen Lawrence case for any person, no matter their colour was a significant time in many of our lives. When Stephen was murdered, I was just 8 years old. Like many children my age, the full effect of his death and the reasons behind it were hard to comprehend but I have come to find that all these years later, his death has led me to think of where I am living and whether I want to bring a child into this world.

A rather controversial statement you may think but it was after a conversation with my mother, that I realised that I am actually extremely deterred by the world my child will have to live in. My mother sat next to me as we watched the 10 o'clock news, taking in the verdicts and making sense of the 18 years it had taken to hear the words 'Guilty'.

My mother then turned to me and simply stared. I didn't actually know at first what she was looking at me over, but after a few minutes she said ' They would have stabbed you, taken you from me. Just because you were black. Her words struck a cord in me. The reason Stephen was no longer here was soley because of the colour of his skin. The fact that he contributed to society in a positive way was not looked at, nor was the fact that he was a straight A student. He was black and that was enough reason to lose his life.

This got me thinking. I plan to start a family at one point or another. But, am I really prepared for the world in which my child will be entering into. Watching the Lawrence family, it was clear that when their child was killed, they too, had died also. They were existing, simply fighting on to gain justice.. Life as they had previously known it was over, their lives would never be the same again. That was the saddest thing, watching them, outside the courts.

Your child can die in many ways. I am not suggesting that my child would be in direct danger of coming under attack due to the colour of their skin. However, I am finding the world is becoming more and more tension filled. When I was younger, all of these things happened to other people, they did not and could not happen to me. But the older I get, the more closer it feels it is coming towards me.

Is is wrong that I doubt whether I want to be a mother, just based on the sheer fact that I do not want to have to protect them from the dangers of my world. The struggle to protect myself seems hard enough. But to worry daily for child, not knowing what will come of them is a scary prospect.

The death of a child is something I can only imagine to be a pain so deep that recovery is impossible. The Stephen Lawrence verdict only brought my insecurities to the surface once more. Another worry that I will have to address.